And so it begins!

Back from the doctors and I have had my Implanon removed.

It was a bit trickier than the last time and I am glad hubby was there with me, even though I still had to drive myself there and back it was nice to have the support and the hand to hold! In the past I have only had a small plaster over the wound, this time I had to have stitches and have to go back in 10 days to have them removed.

I'm feeling a bit sore and sorry for myself at the moment, just lazing around the house and enjoying the extra day off with hubby. It's a bit of a treat now as we usually only have 1 day a week due to work schedules. The local anesthetic was great at the time, but has worn off fast and I can feel the stitches pulling every time I move. I am trying not to, but it's not quite that easy!

Besides all that, I am in a crazy crafting mood at the moment and rather than just thinking about things and planning them out, I actually made something last night. I am a bit of a gamer girl and my all time favourite game series is the Legend of Zelda, so I have a few Zelda themed ideas in the pipeline, but this one was super easy to pull off...

It's light blue on white (not pink as it seems in the photo) and I think would be good for boy or girl - and as I have said before, if I don't ever get to use it for a little one of my own and I am more than happy to give it away. It's just so cute!

The only downside right now is that hubby seems a bit scared to touch me. We have been talking all week about how today is the day to really start TTC, but now he's worried about hurting my arm. I told him not to worry, but he's been so protective of me ever since we started talking about making babies that I don't know how much luck I'll have trying to change his mind - no way I am waiting 10 days though!

So this is it, the real, true beginning of our journey. Can't wait to see where it goes =]

The trouble with Implanon...

The trouble seems to be the lack of consistent information!

I have been using Implanon for 5 years, this is my second implant and it's about to come out! Yay!

Ease of use was the real reason I chose it, I'm terrible at remembering to take medication of any kind and the set-and-forget option seemed like the best thing.  The side effects were outlined to me, but I didn't think much of them. I really wish now that side effects were explained with percentages, as some are much more common than others.

I have had the weight gain, the back pain, the painful periods and, most fun of all, the irregular periods or irregular length. I have had no period for 6-7 weeks and then two within two weeks. I have had 3 day periods and 8 day periods. Before using Implanon my cycle was pretty well set at 28 days, so I am wondering what it's going to be like when this thing comes out.

I have also been reading conflicting information about the lasting effects if Implanon on fertility, this was not mentioned to me AT ALL when I first started. The medical consensus seems to be that you can fall pregnant the day you have the implant removed, but that doesn't seem to be the experience of many of the women I have seen on various forums. Of course, those with troubles are most likely to be posting in the first place, so I don't think it's a truly representative sample, still their experiences are obviously valid.

I thought I had enough to worry about being a woman of 'advanced maternal age' never mind worrying that my birth control choices may have negatively impacted my fertility, I guess we shall find out soon enough.

Coping with the 'frequency' change when TTC

If you're not interested in questions about baby making, look away now!

Being Valentine's Day, hubby and I were 'practicing' baby making the other night, and afterwards it got me to thinking... Due to a whole lot of factors that I won't be going into here, we have never had a regular schedule, just an understanding that once a week is the minimum we (...I) am willing to settle for. Some weeks it's more than that, others only barely, but obviously for maximum baby making efficiency, this is going to have to change!

I have heard others talk about the struggle to keep things seductive, spontaneous or even just relaxed. I have even read on forums about people whose hubbys suffer ED during this time due to the added stress, expectation, etc. I've read about men who feel like their partners see them as baby making machines and nothing more.

Hubby has already mentioned that he's not sure he's going to be able to 'keep up' and wondered how long it might take, and I am not sure if the comments from his co-worker about him being tired for the rest of his life are really helping! I am trying to be supportive and show him all the evidence which says once every 2-3 days is the best way to go for sperm number, quality, etc but I think that if we find that the first two or three months are uneventful then I am going to have to start paying super close attention to my cycle so we can just schedule the days that are going to be most effective!

I'd love to know how other people cope, especially men, but it's not really a conversation that happens all that often in the real world. I'd love to know if there is anything I can so or do to make the experience a little more enjoyable for hubby, besides the obvious.

Less than  two weeks to go till all this becomes reality rather than theory, so I guess we'll see!

A Two Week Wait of a different kind

Spend even a short amount of time on any pregnancy/conception forums and you will see women talking about the dreaded TWW, the 'Two Week Wait.' It's that difficult time between ovulation and the expected arrival of your period, wondering if this month will be the month, that you're finally pregnant.

I am in the middle of a two week wait of a different kind, but it's giving me a taste of what is to come. I have two weeks to go until my birth control implant is removed and the wait is driving me crazy! I even called up the surgery to see if they could move my appointment forward a week, but unfortunately (fortunately?) my doctor is away. The last two weeks have dragged by SO SLOWLY, I don't even want to think about how the next two are going to go.

I suppose it's that nagging feeling that everything is going to take longer than expected, and I feel like I am wasting precious time! These two weeks now feel like they could make all the difference in the world. Hubby was all for me having it removed early and seemed a little bummed when I told him it wouldn't be possible after all. Ever the optimist, he ended with, "Oh well, gives you time to lose a little more weight, hey?" True, but not exactly what I wanted to hear at the time.

I'm dreaming about babies. I dream that I am carrying one, that I have had one, that I have lost one... just about every possibility my dreaming mind can imagine. I'm busy reading books, forums, making lists, cleaning out the spare room, not to mention work which is crazy at this time of year. But the thought of baby is always there in the back of my mind.

So I am learning patience.

"Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but now, but that is just temporary"

Baby Memes

A small collection of my favourite baby memes, and my all time favourite gif at the end =]

Pregnancy, Childbirth and Superstition

My last post, regarding buying for a baby you have yet to conceive, was by far my most viewed so far. The thread I started on Essential Baby asking if others had done the same received more replies than any other thread I have started - and not all of them positive.

Of course, posting for feedback on a public forum is not about having people agree with you; I was genuinely interested to find out if others buy for baby when trying to conceive, and if not, why not.

The thing I was amazed to find was just how many women, who would normally claim to be sane and rational (I guess!), were writing about not wanting to jinx their yet-to-be child, or covering or hiding items that they had bought.

While there are obviously some things you could surround yourself with that would jeopardise your chances of conceiving, I'm thinking chemical cleaners, chain smokers and the like, I find it hard to believe that buying that adorable onesie you see, buying a beloved children's book and so on could possibly have any impact on whether you do, or do not, end up with a baby in your arms.

I suppose part of the reason is that there is still something so awe inspiring about the act of creating new life. Even though we now scientifically understand how the process occurs, there are still so many unknowns, so many outcomes that science and medicine cannot predict or alter, that there is still an air of mystery surrounding conception and pregnancy.

I know there are far more practical reasons people choose to abstain from buying, mostly based on previous painful experiences or miscarriage, stillbirth or years of inability to conceive and these I feel are entirely justified. I am sure that if hubby and I are still TTC in another 2 or 3 years, let alone the 10 or more some EB posters wrote about, that I will feel much differently towards the little box of baby treasures than I do now.

But the sense I got from most comments was the fear that buying too many baby things before there is a baby to buy for is inviting trouble, that it almost guarantees failure. Even posters who had been given items from family members seemed to feel almost guilty about having them, pointing out that the items were in a spare room, still in their boxes or hidden out in a shed somewhere.

I have to say, if I had been any younger, some of these responses would have terrified me. I was almost made to feel that I was arrogant for presuming that I would ever have a 'take home baby' as though this is a blessing bestowed on a rare few, rather than the most natural thing a woman can hope for. I was given the impression that by buying these things I was likely to have years of TTC failure ahead of me, but that if maybe I hadn't bought them, things would be different. As it is, I am old enough to know better.

I was really intrigued by the insight into the way other women think and feel when trying to conceive and am thankful for people sharing. I will continue to ask questions and learn from the experience of those who have gone down the road to motherhood before me, and to share the TTC journey with those who are also following that path.

I am sure that I will be buying more, you'll probably see the evidence posted here, and I prefer to view this from the complete opposite perspective. One of the best ways to boost my chances of having that baby in my arms to to remain positive, as stress free as I can, and buying these things - for now at least - makes me feel wonderfully warm inside and full of amazement at the journey hubby and I are embarking on =]

Baby Sales!

As some of you may know, the Target Baby Sale is on at the moment.. and the Big W Baby Sale starts next week!

I know that it's not a good idea to get too carried away, as hubby reminded me, we have no idea how long it may take us to fall pregnant, or if it will even be possible. The worst things I can imagine is having a room ful of baby things staring accusingly at me as the months or years pass.

However...

I couldn't stay away! My very best friend who just had her first has arranged to take me shopping in the next school holidays, she told me there is a lot of stuff I think I will need that I wont, and stuff I don't think I'll need that I probably will. One things I remember her telling me is that everyone buys newborn clothes as gifts, but very few buy for the 3 months plus age.

It is a bit temptation to me to buy little boys clothes, after all, whenever hubby and I talk about babies it seems to be about baby boys. I know that is I part because of some reservations I have about raising girls in general, but there are also some other issues that I'd rather not go into here. Not yet anyway. Having said that, the little girls clothes are ADORABLE!

I tried to make sure that I didn't buy too much and that anything I did buy was more 'neutral' although I have no problem putting a baby girl in blue (not a fan of pink myself, although hubby keeps buying me pink clothes and I think I am slowly warming to the colour after 35 years).

I was also determined to find a box of some type to store things in. For one thing, it will limit what I buy - if it wont fit in the box I wont buy it. For another, it'll be easy to keep out of sight of visiting friends and family. The one thing I didn't count on  was just how hard it would be to find a nice box! I admit, I didn't look too hard. My choices were limited to Target, Big W and Kmart. I was surprised however that there was a huge lack of 'toy boxes' - I imagine kids these days must just leave their mountains of toys all over the place! (I'll save my 'kids these days' thoughts for another post!).

I also managed to pick up an Australian Edition baby book. Keep on eye out for a future post about the content, hoping that it is better than the last one.