When is a negative not a negative?

Theoretically, my TWW has ended. In reality, I'm still waiting for either a positive test, or for my period to arrive. At this point, I'll take either!

I have also changed my view on home testing. I started testing on Wednesday, thinking that I would like to know early and got a negative. Didn't worry me too much at the time as I thought it would be too early anyway. Tested again on Friday, 12DPO, negative. That put me into a bit of a funk. I spent most of the day at work googling how HPTs work and what is considered 'normal' for HcG levels in early pregnancy. I also ate a ridiculous number of carbs, not only as comfort food, but to help with nausea. Saturday I spent trying not to think about testing the following day, or the impending arrival of AF. This morning I tested again, another negative. I have one test left that I will probably use, next Friday, but after that, I'm done.

There is something to be said for waiting to find out. Ignorance is bliss? I don't know what it is, but I really could have done without the stress of the last couple of days. For me, it seems that just waiting to find out if/when AF arrives is going to be the best way to cope. I have resolved not to buy another HPT until I have missed my period. Hopefully I can stick to it!

So, what do I know? I know that my tests are negative, and that AF is not on the scene. I also know from my research that HPTs rely on average levels HcG of about 25 to give a positive result (with some variation) and that this is the 'average' level about 2 days before your period is due, if you are pregnant. Further reading has shown me that a level of 18 is within the 'normal' range up to the fifth week of pregnancy. Very low, the high end of the fifth week range is in the thousands, but still, it's there.

So what does that mean for me? I guess it means that it's still possible that I am pregnant, and then all my crazy symptoms of the last two weeks will make sense. It could also mean that I am not, and AF is due any day. It could also mean that my body is still adjusting to coming off BC and that is what is causing the symptoms. Right now, it also means that my wait continues...

More Onesie Designs

Trying to keep myself occupied for a couple more days before testing, here are a few more of the designs I've been working on.

I think the little puppy is adorable. I also have a feeling that this won't be the last Lord of the Rings inspired baby item that I make!

Keeping Busy in the TWW

Seems like an almost impossible task, right?!

I am lucky that I have a fairly demanding job, lots of planning and preparation and then a room full of students to keep me occupied for most of the day. It's the nights and weekends that get me. I have been doing a bit of reading, a bit of crafting but honestly, I have felt so bad that I haven't really been up to doing anything. That means that I sit and think. As I was aimlessly browsing, trying NOT to google every symptom I am feeling, I found a great list of "14 things to do when 14 days seem like forever" on the BabyBelly.com.au site.

In shorthand, here are the ideas:
1. Take a walk
2. Clean out ready for maternity wear
3. Start a journal
4. Plant a hope garden
5. Get better at photography
6. Make an appeal to your reproductive system!
7. Paint your toenails
8. Make a cup of herbal tea
9. Swim laps
10.Make lists
11. Create a fertility dance
12. Prepare a folic acid feast
13. Delegate the burden of the TWW to friends and family
14. Make a list of 14 things to do in the TWW

So I took the last one to heart, and here is what I came up with:
1. Cooking dinner for the week ahead
2. Clean out the spare room
3. Sort the bookshelf
4. Check Pinterest for great newborn photography ideas
5. Herbal tea - peppermint
6. Make lists of names, especially girls names as we can't think of many!
7. Make a list of who to tell and when
8. Draw up the pattern for the ring toy I want to make
9. Sketch some ideas for nursery decor (I LOVE drawing)
10. Read that book my sister gave me for Christmas, can't even remember what it is called, but it's big!
11. Plan the type of pregnancy/baby diary I want to keep, check Pinterest for ideas!
12. Plan all my lessons until the end of term, it's only two weeks away
13. Ring mum and nan for a catch up
14. Plan how I will tell hubby if I get a BFP!

So that's it, this is the list I am working through this week trying to keep my mind of how sick I am feeling and definitely NOT thinking about the TWW.  Here's hoping it works!

What do you do, or try to do, to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied during the TWW?

Early Pregnancy Symptoms before Implantation

I have been doing a lot of reading this weekend. I had thought, on my limited medical knowledge, that there would be no way for a woman to feel any pregnancy symptoms before implantation. I thought that this was when the baby and mother started interacting, and therefore the first time for hormones to have any impact on the mother.

Then I spent the last week feeling awful.

I have had bloating, cramps and nausea every day for the last week. I have been extremely tired, to the point where I have been in bed very early the last 3 nights and actually slept for 16 hours yesterday. I have been short of breath and using my asthma puffer regularly during the day, not something I normally have to do. I developed an allergic reaction to my wedding ring and I totally lost interest in sex. The last 3 days I have had terrible headaches and an awful taste in my mouth. So I took a HPT, thinking that surely if I was feeling all this I must be pregnant.

BFN.

So I started researching. I looked for the type of EPS that women reported at 3 and 4 weeks. I looked up if it is even possible to have symptoms before implantation and although the replies from some forum members seem to be a loud "NO!" the research I saw said that maybe it isn't so crazy.

HCG, the hormone associated with the symptoms of pregnancy, isn't the only hormone that can cause these symptoms. The other culprit is progesterone. This starts to build from the moment of ovulation and some of the articles I ready suggested that this hormone increases once conception or fertilisation occurs. I also read that there are some women who are more susceptible to these types of changes in their hormone levels.

Theoretically, it is possible that I am pregnant and that would explain the terrible way I have been feeling. But because this is our first try, because I have been on BC for a few years and not ovulating, there is another theory I am starting to think is more likely.

If progesterone is only released after ovulation, and I haven't been ovulating while on BC, then it could just be that my body is not used to having this hormone in my system and I am reacting to it. The other problem is that although I am off BC I don't know when or even if I am ovulating. I think I know, based on pains and twinges I felt just over a week ago, but I don't know for sure.

So I don't really know what that BFN means. Am I pregnant but it is too early to test? Or is it a genuine BFN and I should expect a visit from dear old AF any day now?

I suppose only time will tell. The TWW continues!

Symptom Spotting

This TWW business is crazy!  I'm so overly aware of every niggle and twinge, wondering if it could mean that there's a baby on the way.  Here's my list so far, almost half way (I think) in to my TWW:

*Nausea, every day since Sunday. This is what first got me thinking but I feel like that's way too early
*Bloating
*Cramps, nothing bad, just dull and constant
*Fatigue
*Headaches
*Allergic reaction to my wedding ring, my mum used to say this happened to her while pregnant.

I think that's it! So many of these can be explained away, especially the tiredness and headache, it's coming up to the end of term after all.

AF  is due end of next week, here's hoping she stays away!

Our First Ever Two Week Wait!

If (and it's a big 'if') my cycle has stayed the same after coming off birth control,  we are just starting our first TWW. Crazy!

I have decided to take things easy this first month, no temping or checking CM, just making time to DTD every 2-3 days and we'll see what happens.  Possibly naive,  but I think this is best for us.

 I'm lucky to be fluctuating between forgetting about it altogether and then remembering and realising that I can't know yet, so I just go back to whatever I was doing.  I'm sure that will change as the days count down!

For now, Pinterest is keeping me occupied,  I gave 4 secret baby boards on the go. I'll share some of my favorite pins in another post.

11 days to go...

Low Carb Baking

It's Sunday again!

I'm getting my fix in the kitchen this week, rather than crafting - but I have been to Spotlight today and stocked up on a whole lot of materials for my next projects!

Since starting my low carb eating plan, I have found that my weight is finally coming under control. My problem is that about 6 years ago I gained a whole lot of weight very quickly, about 20kg in 6 months. This was due to depression and a number of other factors. Once I had myself sorted out, no matter what I did I could not budge the weight. I joined Weight Watchers, I counted calories, I exercised every day (all that did was make me more hungry and harder to keep under that calorie count!) and I even had blood tests done to see if there was anything else going on.

After about 4 years of this, on my return to Australia after being in the UK for 3 years, my doctor suggested a low carb diet. I was scared about giving up all the foods I loved and often craved (bread, rice and potatoes being the worst!) but also about the effect this would have on my baking. I have since found that there are a multitude of alternatives that can be made for traditional recipes - here are a few of my latest.

Muffin in a Mug
This is a quick and easy recipe that I have been experimenting with. The basic recipe is:
1/4c almond flour
1/2tsp baking powder
1/2 packet sweetener
1 tsp cinnamon
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp oil or butter, melted

You mix all the dry ingredients, add the wet and then microwave for 1 minute. I sometimes find them a little too 'eggy' so cook for another 20-30 seconds.

I usually cook these in a big soup mug to give a wide, flat muffin which I usually slice in half and toast. I have also taken out the sugar and cinnamon to make a savoury muffin which I have used as a burger bun. Today, I tried 3 different variations:

Coconut Muffin in a Mug

1/4c almond flour

1/2tsp baking powder

1 tsp natvia

1/8 c shredded coconut

1 tsp coconut essence

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp coconut oil, melted

"Sticky Date" Muffin in a Mug

1/4c almond flour

1/2tsp baking powder

1 tsp natvia

1/8 c finely chopped dates

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp vanilla essence

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp oil

Choc Date Brownie in a Mug

1/4c almond flour

1/2tsp baking powder

1 tsp natvia

2 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder

1/8c finely chopped dates

1/8c chopped unsweetened dark choc

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp oil

(As this one has a few added extras, I cooked it in a narrow mug so I could cut it into three pieces)

I also wanted to have a go at making cheese scones. I knew I wouldn't be able to match that light fluffy texture, but thought I would be able to get quite close.

Cheese Scones

3c almond meal (I used 2 1/2c almond meal and 1/2c flax meal)

1 tbsp baking powder (this was a guess, maybe a little more next time)

1 tsp salt (might leave this out next time)

2c grated extra tasty cheese (I might add a little cooked, chopped bacon next time!)

1/4c thickened cream

2 eggs

1. Mix dry ingredients

2. Add cheese

3. Add eggs and cream

4. Mix until dough forms

5. Roll out to about 2cm thick. I cut mine into rounds, but the fastest way would be to cut dough into squares or triangles. I got 22 from the batch, will probably make them a little thicker next time.

6. Cook at 165 for about 20-25 minutes

If you are reading this and have made the conversion to low carb, what is your favourite recipe? Please share in the comments!

Another Witty Title

What a day! What a week!

I have really been out of sorts since having the Implanon removed - apart from my arm hurting and stitches pulling I've just felt really lethargic. Likely not related as there is a bug going around school, just poor timing! Here's the progression of the 'wound' so far, only a few more days till the stitches come out.

I was really anxious about how hubby was going to react to having to 'do the deed' more regularly - we call it 'baby making' to distinguish from the other kinds of 'adult' activities we get up to! The day my Implanon came out he was so worried about hurting me that I practically had to talk him into it - not too much of a problem once he saw I was serious about it!  We are working on the every two to three days theory, as recommended by the doc, and so Sunday night, when it was obvious he wasn't up for it, I reminded him that Monday would be the third day so to be sure to be ready!

Monday night, I could see he was doing everything he could to stay away from the bedroom! Just one more level, just the end of this show, just a bit more browsing... I was getting angrier and angrier, not helping the situation of course. When he finally did come to bed I told him that this couldn't happen again. Not missing the night, of course there would be days that neither of us are up to it, but avoiding the situation. We talked about how this could potentially take a while and that we needed to be totally open and honest with each other if it was getting to be too much. We talked about how babies are made (yes, there are things that grown men don't always know/understand) and all the things the doctor had told us. We talked about work and stress and how it affects us both. We talked about how we both need to be involved as this isn't something I can do by myself! I told him that, more than anything, I need him to tell me as soon as he knows he is out and come to me with an alternative, "Tonight's no good, how about tomorrow morning?" He agreed and we made a date for Tuesday night.

Tuesday, my period arrived. Or, 'Arsenal was playing at home' as we say thanks to the TV show QI. But, because this is all so new, and because his 'boys' needed a clean out, and because there is more to our sexual relationship than just baby making, we went ahead and had ourselves some fun.

Hubby was so cute, and I think a little disappointed, when I told him I had my period. "What does that mean?" he asked. "Does that mean that everything we have done so far is wasted?" I had to laugh to myself, "Everything we have done" consisted of one single baby making session! But told him that yes, unfortunately that means I'm not pregnant. "So, how long do we have to wait to try again?" Adorable.

This also meant, entirely due to hubby raising the conversation, that we spent a good hour or so talking about baby names. This was the first time he had mentioned anything about it, other than to say it wasn't worth talking about. But he was full of ideas and there were a few favourite names that we shared. Unfortunately, as before, it seems that if we are to have a girl she probably wont have a name!

As for me, I'm still enjoying the fact that anything is possible now, that we may actually become parents someday, and that hubby seems to be enjoying the ride with me =]

How Do Babies Change Your Life?

So, I was browsing the other day and came across this article, "Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids"

...That said, it would still be nice if someone let you in on a few secrets of the mommy underground ahead of time. Here are the top 10 things I wish I knew before I had kids of my own:

1.       Using the bathroom by your self is a privilege, not a right.
2.       You will spend more time fishing things out of the toilet than you will care to admit.
3.       Babies have a unique taste palate that causes them to think your homemade organic sweet potato and apple medley is disgusting, while they will happily devour lint balls, dead flies, lost buttons and other unmentionables that they find on your floor.
4.       You will wish you hadn’t spent so much time being critical of your pre-baby body when your boobs were still located in the northern hemisphere and you didn’t wet yourself every time you laughed or sneezed.
5.       That is really is possible to exist on 2.5 hours of sleep per night. (Note: I didn’t say function, I said exist.)
6.       No matter how great of a mom you are, you will spent at least half of your waking hours feeling exceedingly guilty about something.
7.       The amount of time you spend preparing an activity for your children will be inversely proportional to the amount of time they will enjoy doing it. (i.e. Skip the elaborate Martha Stewart inspired craft projects, throw a bunch of used toilet paper rolls and some glitter paint on the floor and let the natives go wild. It’s a win-win for everyone.)
8.       A shocking number of diced vegetables can fit inside a toddler’s nose.
9.       Random strangers will think they know your baby better than you do and offer expert advice on everything from naps and diapering techniques to appropriate bathing schedules and how long you should keep your baby’s toenails.
10.   When you’re having an off day, a single peanut butter smeared kiss from your little monster can put the whole planet back into rotation.

It got me wondering. Why do so many of the articles written for new mothers focus on the negative things? Is it because we need the warning? Is it because the good moments are taken for granted? 

So I wondered if any mothers reading this felt up to the challenge of telling me the 10 POSITIVE Things (or even just one!) that they wish they had known before having a child, especially anyone who had their first child in their 30s. Please let me know in the comments below!

A Lovely Sunday Afternoon

I love Sundays.

Sometimes I go to church. Sometimes I shop and sometimes I cook. Most often, I end up pottering around the house in search of something to make. Lately, this means anything to do with babies.

I am aware that some of the things I am making may never be used by a child of my own, but the urge is there and I'm not fighting it.

I posted my first attempt a few days ago, and have since made another little bodysuit -

I have a few other designs in mind, but today I had the urge to try something different. I had a pack of plain white bibs in the cupboard, so thought I would have a go at drawing some food themed characters with my Crayola fabric pens. There are probably better choices out there, but I know that Crayola are non-toxic so it saved me worrying about that!

Not 100% happy with how they turned out, but I also think they are pretty good for a first try! The only hassle about this was the 4 minute ironing time to set the design. These bibs are non-iron but I think they survived ok, apart from the poor strawberry whose face is stuck together, but I think I can fix that.

I also have a few plushie designs in mind, mostly from the Ni No Kuni game, but lack the materials to make them exactly the way I have planned. They'll be great companions for my Toko, who will be perfect once his arms have been adjusted -

This is also helping me keep my mind of the pain in my arm. It's years since I have had stitches and I know I am just being a big sook, but my arm is so sore! All for a good cause, we hope =]