A lot has happened in the weeks since I last updated this blog.
I passed my 37th birthday, still not pregnant.
We passed the due date of our second angel baby.
My sister in law gave birth to her second child.
Hubby's birthday passed.
Two colleagues announced their pregnancies at work.
I went for a 3D ultrasound and was told I have PCO.
Sometimes I just want to hide. It feels like it is all too much, I seem to be just drifting from one day to another, not hiding from anything but not really dealing with it either.
My birthday was hard. I should have had a tiny 8 week old baby. I should have been pregnant, about to give birth. I should have been ready to announce a pregnancy. I should have been going for my first ultrasound. Instead, I was sitting in a restaurant being told that I should be happy that at least I could have a drink.
Baby's due date came and went. This was the only one who had a confirmed due date, one we had time to get used to and even had a pet name for. This was a hard day. I thought about taking the day, even the morning off work. In the end, I just went in so as not to be home alone.
The arrival of our little niece was uncomfortable. Hubby's family are in the UK and we haven't seen them for almost 3 years. This little one was due about the same time as ours. All his younger siblings have children, 6 between them. I have one niece on my side. As the older siblings in our respective families, we are the ones still waiting.
Hubby's birthday was ok. He doesn't enjoy celebrating at the best of times, I made sure to spoil him. He was just a little sad not to hear from his family until after the day had passed.
The pregnancy announcements at work were hard, as is the day to day reality of working in that environment. More about that in another post I think.
So then came the scan. AT the time, the specialist doing the test said everything looked fine. ''Nice big ovaries with lots of eggs'' was how he put it. Turns out that meant PCO. The fertility specialist doesn't think I have PCOS as my periods are always so regular and I obviously ovulate regularly due to the number of pregnancies. He's prescribed metformin as he told me this can regulate the associated hormone imbalance which he feels is likely the reason behind our losses. he seemed quite optimistic that this would 'do the trick' as he put it.
So at least we have an answer, finally, and a plan of action. I've got a prescription for 4 months. The FS thinks I'll fall again before it runs out, and he's given me a detailed plan of what treatment and appointments I'll have every week up until 12 weeks. I feel unaccountably optimistic this cycle. We managed to dtd at mostly the right time, I'm taking the metformin, that should do the trick! The challenge now will be not letting myself get my hopes too high! Only 4dpo, here's hoping this TWW doesn't drag :)